Momsters!!!!!

Most have heard the popular phrase “Momster”. They are mothers who are cruel when you ask for advice. They think their way is the only way. If you do not follow their “advice” they tend to mock you or make you feel like a terrible mom. They are a lot like high school bullies. two moms having a fightHave you ever encountered one, if so please give an example? If you met a new mom who was having trouble with a momster what would your advice be? 

 The Perfectionist Mom: I have met Momsters before. When I was a new mom I was worried about everything I did. I did not want to make a mistake when it came to my baby girl. I googled, trying to find answers. I had a big car seat question at one point. I went online, first mistake, to see what other moms were saying. I had been recommended to a car seat moms group on Facebook. When I posted the question within 5 minutes I had 10 answers. One of them told me that I had asked a stupid question and if those were the things I was wondering about; my daughter would not make it through her first year. I proceeded to cry for about an hour. Other moms took a similar stance and by the time my husband took my phone away from me I had been told countless times that I should pretty much never have had kids. People are so quick to be nasty behind the keys of a message board. They tend not to think just react. It was one of the most horrible things I have ever been through. I had been looking for a safe space since then, so we created our own. If there were a mom who encountered a Momster I would tell her that people are mean. She needs to listen to her inner voice and trust her instincts. It is the best resource she has. She should use the family and friends that she trusts and take their advice. If she had no one, I would recommend finding a group of moms who do not judge, like Momentous.

 

The Hot Mess Mom: Luckily I have never been “attacked” by a “Momster”…and by lucky I mean lucky for them.  However, my advice to new moms or any moms really would be that you are your child’s mother and deep down you know what is best for them. It is absolutely OK not to know the answer to everything. We’re not supposed to, being a parent is a learning process….even for the “all knowing” “Momsters”.  Our parents and grandparents didn’t have Facebook, Mamarama, Parenting.com, and all the other “tell me how to parent” websites and our parents survived just fine and so did we. Children may not come with instructions or manuals or anything helpful at all, but once we become a mother something inside us just kind of clicks and those maternal instincts kick in and all of a sudden as nervous and overwhelmed as we may be things start to make sense. We all have different styles of parenting, that’s what makes us who we are and that’s what make our values and what we believe in special to us. We are not all machines, there has to be different ways of doing things but that doesn’t mean there is a wrong way and a right way. “Momsters” only survive when other mom’s allow them to. If I have a question about motherhood, or parenting I ask it. Out of all 47 responses I might get I genuinely take in all of them; no matter how insane to me some may be. But at the end of the day I am going to make my own decision based on what I feel is best for my child and no one is going to tell me otherwise. New mom or mom of 8, always have the best interest of your child at heart and provide them with everything that you can and you and your baby will be just fine.

 

The Not-So-Single Mom: Honestly, I have never really encountered a “Momster” in real life or even via the web. I have seen the works of them though, on many different subjects, via the web. It really just sickens me that someone, sometimes even those who do not have kids, can be so cruel. I have even seen MEN comment on subjects such as breastfeeding and be cruel about it. The web is a great place for those “Momsters” to hide because no one can see them or know who they really are. What I would do, and would “advise” others to do via the web is just to ignore them. It’s SO not worth stressing over. If encountered in real life, I would probably just have to say “I’m sorry you feel that way…” and walk away. I am not one for confrontation and I know that my choices are for me to make and are always in the best interest of my child and my family. Beware of “Momsters” and avoid them at all costs, they are NOT worth your time. Period.

 

The Naturalist Mom: “Momster” is a new term to me, but boy, oh boy it resonates well. Even after having my third child, people STILL insist on telling me what I do wrong, how I should be parenting and what it is that I need to change. Truth is, after three kids…. Maybe, just maybe, I got this. “Momsters” come in all forms, passive and aggressive, passively-aggressive, subtle or behind your back. Realistically, being a parent is the hardest, most subjective job in the WORLD. Not one child is the same, and that goes for parents as well. That’s the beauty of nature. We are not meant to be carbon copies of each other. So, with that said, my advice to ANY new Mama would have to be- Take a deep breath, take all the “wisdom” and “advice” in stride. At the end of the day, follow your instinct. Instinct is such a powerful tool we are born with and we ignore all too much. Mammals are born with it. Some are just better at it than others, and that is ok. But when it all comes down to it, Mama Bears know what is best for their cubs.

 

The Scrambling Step Mom: I have a friend, well let’s say acquaintance, which would be considered a “Momster”. Her daughter is about a month and a half younger than mine, but it seems like everything is a competition. When my daughter was doing her “firsts”, the “Momster” was always judging everything my daughter did. She could never be happy for my daughter for her early accomplishments, it was always negative. There were times that she would refer to my daughter as a “showoff”. She also chose to breastfeed and pureed all of her daughter’s food. I was not fortunate enough to be able to breastfeed, but that was not taken into consideration when she was passing judgment. If I met another mother that was having trouble with a “Momster”, I would suggest ignoring it. Every mother is different! We all do what we think is the best for our child, and no one way is perfect!

Please comment below we want to know your thoughts on “Momsters”. Have you ever encountered one? What did you do? Are there steps you think we could take to change the way that we are as a society of moms? 

 

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2 Comments

  1. Mauigirl

    I have met many monsters in my lifetime. I have found if I listen patiently to them, not comment until they are done, be over the top kind and thank them for their advice. Then turn around and do what I felt was best for my child and totally ignore their advice. They were not so likely to give me their unasked for advice the next time. I’m not too sure how to handle it on the web that one is much harder.

  2. Wendy

    I saw this video linked on Facebook and I immediately thought of you ladies. I laughed and laughed at the video, then made the mistake of scrolling down to the comments… So MEAN and condescending! Anyway, it reminded me of why your blog is so important!

    http://blog.petflow.com/i-cant-believe-what-happened-to-this-father/

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