Before and during my entire pregnancy, I vowed not to be the girl who gets pregnant and never gets back to her skinny self again. Granted, I wasn’t “skinny” before I got pregnant, but, I didn’t want it to change me. I wanted to lost weight fast and be back to my original look. Actually, I was terrified. I have friends and family that have gone back to super skinny, never lost the weight, or went back to just how they were before. Well, I wanted to be a “hot mom” and wife. Since I hit my 20’s and started gaining weight, I have been insecure about myself. Mostly after i hit 25. I was determined not to make things worse. I vowed to lose baby weight and work out and so on.
Well, 40 weeks and 3 days into my pregnancy, I am HUGE. Here is an example: I was 6 months pregnant and in the bathroom at Walmart. A lady who worked there asked “Awe, how far along are you?” I told her 6 months and she saw “That’s great! Are you having twins?” I just about died. I politely told her “No, just one big one.” Then she said “Well you look perfect.” Ok, how am I supposed to think I look perfect when you just asked if I was having twins?!? Well, on August 10, 2012 I delivered my perfect baby girl via c-section weighing in at 10lb 1oz. It hit me later on that week when I got home that this “body image issue” was going to be rough.
I was lucky, and by 3 months post-pregnancy, I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight. That did not help though. My body had changed. I had fat and skin across my mid-section as well as stretch marks from carry such a huge child inside of me. Nothing I had in the closet fit right. Even my pre-pregnancy clothes didn’t fit… the shirts weren’t long enough now and the shorts just squeezed my new extra flabby mid-section.
After fighting through body image issues and pushing them to the back burner, I realized that I am me, and I made this precious baby thats asleep in my arms. I earned this body. I earned this skin. I need to be happy with the skin I am in. I kept it that way for a long time. Then I start seeing friends who have multiple kids working out, getting hot again. I see some friends who are still popping out kids and look like they’re 18 still. Then I see one who is 2 weeks post pregnancy and looks like she never had a baby. UGH. Here comes the depression again, and like I said before, I eat my emotions.
Turns out, being a SAHM with a husband that is gone a LOT leave not much time for ME. I am dedicated to HER 24/7 and once she’s asleep I just need to SIT. I don’t want to work out! Well, I buckled down and hired a trainer at LA Fitness. I contemplated canceling and my sweet husband said “Honey, there is some reason in your head that you signed up. Maybe you are ready. Just sleep on it and we can talk tomorrow but I think you should keep it.” It’s like he knew that in my head, I wanted this. So, I kept it. Love my trainer too. Well, dear daughter decided that she doesn’t like their kid care anymore, so I haven’t been able to go. Still working with her so I can get back to my trainer sessions!
One of my dear friends from high school was promoting BeachBody and saying how she was a coach. Took me a few months, but I finally gave in, ordered the at home workouts and shakes from her. She has a GREAT support group of people just like me who are all working on being healthier and stronger. Granted, I have started over a few times, fell off the wagon and just flat out didn’t do it because I had no motivation. My number one priority to this day is still my daughter, but I have finally taken a step towards helping myself. One day I will get there, but right now, its 99% about her and 1% about me. We are ALL beautiful the way we are, and we earned the skin we are in. Please, don’t let anyone tell you different. Our children make us who we are today, and we need to love ourselves the way we are. I wish someone had pounded that into my head when i was pregnant, so I could have avoided the bouts of depression and anxiety over the way I looked.
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