I want to start off by stating as plain as day, I am not complaining. I love my daughter and know exactly how truly blessed I am. But we all have these days, why hide it. So please excuse me today but I happen to be in one of those moods, you know, the kind where the first person who looks at you the incorrect way might get a lecture in how to be invisible. “Don’t let people see you staring! C’mon folks! I know my daughter is sitting in her stroller screaming at the top of her lungs. And I know that it looks like I somehow have ear plugs in, I cannot promise that I don’t, but is that really a reason to stare??”
Kids apparently go through these phases in which they shed their form selves skin and turn into something that their loving parents do not recognize. I read that you should be able to have your loving, sweet adorable children until about the age of 2. That turns out to be a flat out lie in our case. We barely made it past the first year. Now I am still attributing my daughters new sense of all things screaming, to the fact that her internal time clock is currently WAY off as is mine, so some tempers might be a bit quick to show. She is also my daughter which means a short fuse runs in her genes. BUT my once extremely independent daughter suddenly will not venture further than 3 feet from me. She will not even go near her father, the one person who use to be like a beacon of light when a break was needed. She will not play on her own, she will no longer eat by her self, she has even decided the last two days to revert to crawling once in a while to get my attention. I know what some of you are thinking, there is no attention starving here. On the contrary, she has had nothing but our undivided attention for the last 15 days! Literally, even down to sleeping in the same room with us, there has only been a couple short hours apart; so has all of this together time caused this reversion?
She is getting older and I know that I will eventually need to place her in daycare more often and her separation from me will only become bigger. That reality is hard for both of us! But for the time being I am really hoping that getting back into our old routine, where she knows whats coming up, will help. The other thing that might be causing this is the fact that I have officially stopped breastfeeding. I have heard that when that happens your child might become more clingy for a while missing that connection. I will miss it too but that is a post for another day.
I understand how she is feeling slightly. I am having a tough time dealing with my new reality. There has been this trip coming up for literally 5 years, its always been in the back of our minds. We planned and put off things because of it alone. Now, like after our wedding, I am going through planning withdrawals. I always get oddly depressed after things like this. I guess its time to find a new project, find something to fill whatever void I am feeling. You know that you have felt like this too at some point in your life. And if not I envy you. Gotta love days like this.
Right now my goal is to get through this week with as few tears as possible. Hopefully my daughter will be able to handle it well too.
The Perfectionist Mom
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