In a few days…on March 22nd, it will be our first wedding anniversary. That’s weird for me as I was always the one who was anti-marriage. I was not the one who was planning her wedding since she was 12…that was my bff =) I was not the one who knew exactly what she wanted to wear and look like and had every detail down to the cake topper already planned. That just wasn’t me. I had my daughter at age 21 and my son at age 28 and still I couldn’t see myself as being married to someone. I knew who I was as a mom, but a wife? Not so much.
I had my share of committed relationships but the thought of signing that piece of paper that legally binds you to someone else scared me to the core. It took me a long time before I realized that a part of my fear of marriage was because I had a hard time believing that there was someone out there that was willing to legally bind themselves to me. It was easier to just be anti-marriage. I always knew that my husband wanted to marry me….literally since we were 12 years old….but it was as if I always felt like I needed an escape plan in a relationship and not getting married was the escape plan. Believe me I know how dysfunctional that sounds. It wasn’t until my son was born a couple years ago that I realized how important it was for us to really make our family official and “legal” especially with my daughter who was getting older and needed a positive example. (Not that relationships without being married are not positive, every relationship is exactly what you make of it.) I remember just before we tied the knot my mom said to me how proud she was of me. She saw me struggle as a single mom, put myself through college with a baby and really make something out of my life. It meant a lot to me that I could make my mom proud and getting married was like the glue that I needed the whole time.
People always ask right after you get married if things feel different. My answer was yes. Our lifestyles didn’t change, our routines were exactly the same, in fact our lives stayed exactly the same. But the feeling was different. I was afraid I would feel trapped after a fight or like I made a mistake because now I don’t have an escape plan. It was the opposite actually. I found myself feeling relieved, like it was all going to be ok after a fight because we’re married now and no one is going anywhere. I didn’t see it before but instead of an escape plan, what I needed was a safety net and I found it when I signed that piece of paper that bound me to the best husband a crazy girl like me could ask for.
Things are not always perfect and life itself is definitely a work in progress, but I truly feel that life is complete and the rest is a bonus. To my husband who probably won’t see this for a while =) – If you live to be 100, I want to live to be 99 so I don’t go a day without you – Piglet
Thanks for never giving up on us, Happy 1 year anniversary. I love you.
The Hot Mess Mom
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