Now that my baby girl is almost 6 months old I figured I would share how she came into the world. It’s quite a story so I am breaking it down into two parts. Hmm, maybe three, we will see.
When you find out you are pregnant one of the things that start to swirl around in your mind is that at some point, eventually, the baby has to be brought into the world. They will have to make their most difficult journey and come and meet you. You dream about meeting that little person for all 40 weeks. You wonder what they will look like, will it hurt, how long will it take? All of these and thousands of more questions pop into your head. A lot of moms to be, myself included, want control over what the process of giving birth will be like. They want to choose how it will happen. Well, let me tell you, you can read every book written, take every class available, plan every detail down to the second and still it is possible for nothing to go right.
With my first daughter, I was pretty relaxed about the planning part. I didn’t know what to expect. Therefore I didn’t have that much to plan for. I knew who I wanted in the room and those easy choices but as far as how labor would go I pretty much left it in the hands of my doctor and prayed. Things went pretty smoothly but not exactly as I had intended. I knew I wanted to try and go without an epidural and made it pretty far. We had some complications afterward. Because to that, I knew with my second I needed to set a clear and firm plan. I didn’t want any surprises.
I wanted to be in control as much as possible. This is the most incredible thing you will ever do in your life, you should be able to call the shots somewhat. I also wanted it to be as natural as possible. No induction, I did not want my water broken, I did not want an epidural. Most importantly, I absolutely did not want a C-section.
Starting at about 30 weeks with my second baby I started having Braxton hicks contractions. I thought, “Hey this is great”. Usually, it means that the baby will come faster and more smoothly than the first one. I was nervous but thrilled at the idea of a quicker delivery. Labor took like 15 hours with my first. I had to go to the hospital twice with false labor. It was slightly frustrating because even though I knew it was not time, those around me would get very nervous and I would start to doubt myself. So I would go, they would monitor me and send me home. As the weeks went on and we got closer and closer to my due date things started changing but nothing gave me the feeling that my baby was ready to make her way into the world.
Everyone kept saying the signs were good, she will be here soon, everyone that is except the one person who mattered, my doctor. I would go in for my weekly checkups and he would just say, “Nope, nothing’s happening”. I would also hear, “she is in the wrong position. Head down but WAY too high.” At about 38 weeks she started to drop down a little but then decided she wasn’t ready yet and went right back up.
Finally, we made it to three days before my due date. I happened to have an appointment that day and went in nervous as all get out. I was not sure which news I wanted, that she was ready or that nothing had changed. No one is comfortable at this point and to make matters worse we had some personal things going on. My brother and his girlfriend were moving to Australia. You read that right, they were moving halfway around the world from us and we only had the upcoming weekend for them to visit and say goodbye. Everyone told me not to take this into consideration in making decisions about my labor but let’s be honest, I did. I really wanted my brother to meet his new niece.
We were sitting in the doctor’s office and he gave me a choice, schedule an induction and roll the dice or go for 41 weeks and make a decision then. There was also a lot of fear floating around about how big my baby girl actually was. My stomach was much bigger this time. Therefore they thought she was probably much bigger. Sitting in the room he wanted a decision and my husband was leaving it up to me. I told him to try and let me make the decision so he was. He could see I was torn and I should have told him to step in but I didn’t.
I said I would wait to 41 weeks. My doc said if that was my choice then we would need to schedule another ultrasound to see just how big she was. We did. As I stepped into the hallway I could feel all of these emotions rising in me. We stepped into the car and I exploded. Nerves, sadness, anxiety, and fear all filled me. I didn’t want to wait! I really wanted my brother to meet her. In the end, I felt the outcome would be the same if we waited a week.
We didn’t even make it home before my husband said, “Kristin you just need to call the doctor back and tell him you changed your mind.” Here was the problem. If I decided to be induced I was starting my labor off on a very definite note that I did not want. I had been telling myself for weeks not to give into the impatience. Wait, nature will work it out. But as I was faced with another week of being pregnant (which I loved by the way) I did not think I could handle it.
I looked deep within myself and thought over and over that one week will probably not make a difference. With our first daughter, I went into labor at 37 weeks so this one will be okay if it’s a little early. I had Pitocin with our first daughter, this one would handle it fine, I made the call and we schedule the induction for the next evening.
Next week I will share how she came into the world. It’s a story about nothing went right, except her.
Kristin, The Perfectionist Mom
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