One of the biggest problems that a lot of couples face when they are trying to conceive it keeping the romance alive.
This is something I definitely experienced with my husband. When you put such pressure on a situation it can lead to desire waining. It’s not that you no longer love your partner or find them attractive. It is more certain issues tend sneak into the festivities. Here are some of the most popular issues and how to put the spark back in the bedroom.
PS: These tips can help when you are not trying to have a baby too and just need to boost up your sex life.
Issue #1 – Sex has become boring (Insert YAWN here!)
When your relationship is new you can barely keep your hands off of each other. You love making out and feeling the desire that just flows out of him for you. As your relationship matures that fire can be tough to maintain. You might get move in together, get married, buy a house. Suddenly there are bills, work schedules, the routines of life get in the way. You may even get into a GASP relationship rut. This happens to everyone. It is not uncommon. You may even have to schedule sex! Oh the horror!!!
Fix #1 – Put some spice back in the bedroom. You might feel strange at first but I guarantee once you have gotten past the giggle point you will like this. Change the location of sex. Mix it up, if you are always in the bedroom try out in the living room or in a totally new place all together like a fancy hotel room, stay-in-cation anyone?
You can also try things like role playing. Putting on something new, sexy lingerie or costumes anyone? Talk about your biggest sexual fantasy, try to make it happen. Bring food or ice into the bedroom. Try massage. New positions. Most importantly do not forget the foreplay! That simple act can take your sex life from bland to banging.
Issue #2 – Sex is starting to feel like a job
One of the biggest issues couples trying to conceive face is sex becomes like another job. When you are charting, watching your ovulation, taking your BBT every morning, and talking about those things ALL THE TIME, it becomes a job. Sex in a marriage can be tough to keep fresh. It becomes even more difficult when you are putting the pressure of making a baby in the mix. This is true especially when your not getting lucky in the baby making department. Going to a reproductive specialist? Add 100x more stress to that number.
Fix #2 – This sounds obvious but can be so hard to do…STOP talking about it. I know it will be on your mind 100% of the time. For the sake of your baby making plans, put the google down! Take a baby info break. Stop talking about every little twinge, ovulation sign, and thing you read. It is best if you can take the work out of it for both of you but I know that is unrealistic. Most men do not think about baby making the way we do. They figure it will happen when it is supposed to happen. Men tend to be more doers than thinkers so let him do. It might make you feel better too.
Go on a vacation, a baby free vacation. Head to a new place and promise yourself you will think as little as possible about baby making. Go when you are not supposed to be ovulating. Let the sex be spontaneous and don’t worry about putting your legs up afterward. Have fun together and if you get the urge to talk baby, stop, take a deep breath, look around you and soak in where you are. Refocus and try to talk about something else.
Issue #3 – You are not in love with your body
I think this is a problem for a lot of women, all the time. Not just when trying to get pregnant. However, when you are trying to conceive you become VERY familiar with your body and all of it’s workings. You learn the signs of ovulation, cervical mucus, breast tenderness, and a plethora of other lovely functions. Looking at your body as a machine can take all the swag out of your swagger.
Maybe you are also not loving your body right now because you feel like it’s betraying you. This was always a big issue for me. Your body is not doing one of the big things you were designed for, getting pregnant. That can be so frustrating and painful.
Fix #3 – This can be a tough one to work on. First, this sounds cliche but you need to forgive yourself. Know you are doing everything you can to make a baby. Tailor your diet, try supplements, work out more, do yoga. All of these things will make you feel more connected to yourself and your body.
If you are just not feeling sexy in general, find ways to break out of your mold. Update your look. Get your hair cut and/or colored. Get a bold new lipstick and wear it. If you can afford some new clothes, do it! I always find that dancing helps me love my body more. Turn the tunes up and dance away. Get in touch with your body.
Issue #4 – You are not feeling connected to your partner
There are times in every relationship where you are just not on the same page. This can easily happen when you are trying to get pregnant and it is not working. One of you might be ready to give up. One of you might need a break from the tediousness TTC can bring. Maybe you are just not in sync. It happens to all of us. Pressure, stress, and frustration can all make the connection difficult to get back.
Fix #4 – This one takes work, crappy hard work. You need to force both of you to sit and talk. Talk about why you are not feeling connected. Talk about how to help the situation. Talking is essential with this one. Share your fears, frustrations, and struggles. You might be surprised to find your partner is feeling very similar to you.
After you are communicating make it fun. Take a walk down memory lane. Visit a spot you frequented when you were dating. Go through old photos and reminiscence. Play old songs you both love that have meaning. Send sexy texts to each other, write notes telling your partner you are thinking of them. Hold hands more. Make a point to kiss and hug. Often times just physically connecting, not sexually, can help a lot.
In the end the relationship between you and your partner comes first. They are the person you chose to spend your life with. If this relationship is not strong the rest can crumble. The stress of TTC and it not working right away is something a lot of us deal with. It is so important to put the work in when you are working for that little bundle of joy.
Kristin – The Perfectionist Mo
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