Morning sickness, constipation, backaches, swollen feet and trouble getting around, those are the things my husband remembers from my pregnancy. Excitement, felling those first flutters of my baby moving, walking around proudly showing off the miracle I have created via a HUGE belly, those are just some of the things I remember.
I guess I just don’t choose to remember the bad things, because no matter how miserable I was, the good things outweigh the bad. I may have whined and complained, but I loved being pregnant. I want to do it all over again. Of course, I would do some things differently…like not devour an entire cheesecake topped with strawberries every week. The problem with this is…my husband does not want any more children.
To refrain from boring you with a huge back story, I will give you a short one. My husband didn’t want kids at all. I still am not exactly sure why, but I have my ideas. He knew that I wanted children, so, once he got a good job, he agreed to go ahead and have a baby. I was out of my mind happy. I bought ovulation tests and pregnancy tests galore. 3rd cycle off the pills and I was pregnant! We both come from big families, and I love children. I couldn’t be happier. He was scared. I thought he might pass out. As time passed, he was more comfortable with the idea. He was actually the one who urged me to breastfeed and try to deliver naturally. Neither of those things went as planned, and I think part of that is a reason for not having more. The other is that he has missed so much of our daughters short 2 years of life; he doesn’t want to do that with another child too. It hurts him more than it hurts her right now. Yet, his schedule allows him to actually be home MORE than a regular 9-5 dad, its just that when he’s gone, he’s gone for so long that he misses so many milestones…and just flat out misses his daughter.
I have baby fever. I actually wanted to have another one right away, but of course without two agreeing parties, that is not exactly going to happen. Not unless a power greater than me takes over control. That has yet to happen. Now not only do I love kids, I want to be pregnant again, I want to try my hand at breastfeeding again, I want to try and deliver my baby naturally again.
What my husband might now understand is most of all, I want to expand our family and give my daughter a sibling. I want her to experience some of the best parts of having sibling:
- Someone for her to help take care of – it can show her the importance of responsibility
- Someone to teach – She can pass on all of the things she has learned. Teaching another child can often help re-enforce education.
- Someone to fight with! – It might sound bad but fighting teaches important social development.
- Someone to grow with – Siblings have a special bond no other person can replace, they should be there for you when no one else is
- Someone to have when we are gone – This way she will have still have family once that inevitable time comes, even if it is 80 years down the road.
I cannot imagine being an only child. I know she would be an awesome big sister, and it really makes me sad that my husband doesn’t agree. To be quite honest, it is depressing. I love seeing my friends babies, snuggling with them and buying them gifts. The only problem is, when it’s time to go home all of those feelings come back and I get sad.
My advice to those of you going through this is talk to your husband (or wife!). It is so important to keep the lines of communication open and tell them how this makes you feel. Sometimes talking can be hard, if it is, write it out. Writing it out not only makes it easier to get the words out but you can be totally honest, there is no interruption. No back and forth, just you being able to express yourself. If they are able to read how you feel, without stopping, the picture might become clearer to them.
I told my husband, and he reiterated the fact that he does not want to go through missing so much time with his baby again, and he is happy with one. I am still hoping that he will change his mind, but if he doesn’t, I get through knowing that I got one perfect little girl and I love her more than life itself.
The Not-So-Single Mom
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