When I first had C1 my world revolved around his every move. I never knew how much my heart could love someone I never met. After he was born I found I would move mountains for him. C1 had just turned 2 when we found out we were expecting number 2. And as soon as we found out anxiety set in. I was nervous, but mostly because I was now going to be shared, after almost three years of sole attention to my baby. How would he understand? Will he feel jilted? How can you love more than one at the same time?
Surprisingly, your heart CAN fit it all into one space. If anything, I was surprised at how capable and how easy our adjustment was. We included him in our pregnancy, doctors visits and let him pick out baby brothers items and put the crib together. And when c2 made his debut, seeing my children together and the undeniable love they have just melted my heart.
Then, when c2 was 5 months old we found out we were expecting baby 3. This time it hit me like a mack truck. I felt like I stole time with c2 from him and he’d resent me for life. Really, all I kept thinking was here he’d be, the middle child- not the oldest or the youngest- and we jumped on the baby bandwagon before I had a window of bonding time. I felt I wasn’t giving him enough of me (not to mention my goals for breastfeeding) and the guilt was ridiculous for months. The closer we got to the arrival of c3, the more I realized how blessed we are and the anxiety subsided… Slowly. I realized how capable I was of loving three children and what each of them has to offer.
That is what is so cool about more than one- each child brings something new to the table. Personality, quirks, habits and their little ways make each one of them unique and you just love. You just do. Not one of my kids is better than the other because they are so different. I made each of them from scratch and they are perfect.
Now I don’t look at it so much as splitting my heart into thirds. I feel they all have my whole heart. There is nothing I’d do for one and not the others. Its just something you get, something you grow to understand. But I don’t think it happens until you hold them or see them all together.
If you are facing any anxiety expecting baby #2 or 3 or 4, 5 and 6 (although, your probably a pro by now) trust in this….
“Every little thing will be alright!”
All my love,
The Naturalist Mama
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