As terrible as this may sound, lately I have been craving time without my kids more than ever. It makes me feel like a horrible parent that I have these feelings but I can’t help it. Don’t get me wrong I love my kids to the moon and back and they are literally the reason why I get up in the morning but the everyday routine is just getting out of control for me. I have tried to talk to my husband about it but I don’t think he gets it yet. I have been raising a child since I was 21 which is 9 years and he has been raising a child since my daughter was 5 so almost 3 1/2 years. Since I was younger when I had my daughter I had a lot going on to finish school. I had a full time college schedule and worked double shifts at a bar on the weekends and had an internship 2 days a week. Life was hard but as much as I hate to say it, it was exciting.
Now, years later, there is still something every second of the day but if it isn’t work related, its kid related. My job involves working with kids from birth to 5 years old so whether its work or home my life is basically kids, kids, kids. And I know that’s what I signed up for when I decided to have kids and all that but I have been missing the other side of it, the “me” side. I don’t just mean taking an hour to get a manicure and a pedicure, but really making a change so I can try and feel like I’m still an exiting person along with being a mother. I will admit that one thing in particular that is lacking are dates for me and my husband. We don’t have a babysitter so alone time is far and few. When we get out of the house just the 2 of us, it’s literally like I can take a breath of fresh air and things are instantly better.
The more I write this blog, the more I feel like world’s worst mom as I am actually seeing the words being written.
I have been doing things lately to try and relieve some of this parenting pressure that is weighing me down and it has actually been helping a little bit. I try to run a few times a week; just me and my earphones. I’m not a great runner anymore so it’s usually a jog mixed with a power walk but regardless it’s about 2 miles total for me to just think. Also, I have been reading again. I know that sounds kind of silly but I really enjoy reading my favorite author and just sinking into the book as if I am the main character and the world around me almost transforms into the one in the novel. Ridiculous I know….but it works. Instead of Facebook and Pinterest at night before I go to bed, now I cuddle up with my book and actually get a better nights sleep.
This is probably the most pathetic sappy blog I have ever written and If you know me than you know I am not the sappy type but I just felt like maybe I am not alone out there and other moms have gone through what I am going through. When sometimes making school lunches, changing diapers, helping with homework, dealing with tantrums, potty training, and making dinner every night like clock work, just isn’t enough anymore. When you want more than for the grocery store to be the family outing. Or when checking the mail and taking the garbage to the dumpster is the only alone time with hubby. Or when you just plain and simple want to remember who you were before you had kids. I am calling it the mommy funk and it’s what I have diagnosed my self with for the time being.
Any remedies are welcome =)
The Hot Mess Mom
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