During pregnancy our husbands do not get many choices. When it comes to clothes, gear they usually let us choose what we want. When it comes to the labor it doesn’t matter what they think, we get to choose. In order to ease this feeling with our first child, I let my husband choose whether or not we were going to find out the sex of our child. He decided he wanted it to be a surprise. He said that there aren’t many surprises left in life and, that a long time ago it wasn’t even possible. He sounded a little old fashioned to me…and really it was an old fashioned choice. He also thinks epidurals are silly but as I said he doesn’t get a say in those choices. So I let him have this one.
I decided last time that I won’t go that route again, if I have the chance to have another child, here is WHY.
First, I went through agony wanting to shop specifically for the baby. I wanted to fill the closet and have lots of gender specific items. I have seen the “you don’t have to gender stereotype before the baby is even born” argument as to why NOT to find out, but I actually WANT to do that! I want to gender stereotype. I think that is one of the fun things about being pregnant. Wondering what that little boy or girl is going to look like and be like. I want pink or blue. I want dresses or button up shirts. I am that kind of person and there is nothing wrong with that.
Second, gender disappointment. I saw the argument saying that not finding out gives you less reason to have gender disappointment. Ok, so instead of giving myself time to adjust to which gender I am having…especially if we had hoped for a specific gender…the argument is to wait until the baby is born? To me, that seems like it could lead to postpartum depression and severe gender disappointment with no time to adjust because the baby is already here. No matter my preference, I want to be able to adjust before the baby arrives. The anxiety I had not knowing the gender was fierce, and I would rather not take that route again.
Third, it’s hard for people to shop for you. Not everyone wants to wait until the baby is here to buy you things and if you are anything like me, you like to shop gender specific. You want that pink flowered car seat or that blue swing. I had a lot of gender-neutral items before my first baby was born, even though I wanted gender specific. I spent more money after the baby was born on items that could have very well been purchased for me as gifts because I didn’t want them to be neutral.
Lastly, I will compromise. We had the 3D ultrasound done about halfway through my pregnancy. I wanted a good look at the gender-unknown child I was carrying; maybe I hoped I could tell by looking at their face. We could tell instantly the baby had my nose, and cheeks. It was one of the only solaces I had…being able to see what my baby looked like…to an extent. If I have the opportunity to have a second child, if my husband will agree to have another, I will find out the sex in exchange for leaving the 3D ultrasound out. I wouldn’t need to have that one extra thing to ease my mind, the need to see the features on the screen. That can be left for delivery.
What do you think? Did you or would you ever wait to find out the sex of your baby? What are some of the pros and cons of each?
Until Next Time,
The Not-So-Single Mom
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